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This Ain't No Place For a Pretty Boy Like You.
Jan. 14th, 2006
04:30 pm - Stupid expensive car stuff!
welder on ebay $446 + optional gas tank. (yay!)
Quarter panel from black car pontiac body panels $140.00.
Two fenders and some stainless grill parts from All american classics $450.00.
buying the quarter panel this friday. Putting $100.00 in savings every paycheck and will have the welder before spring (YAY!). After that buy the fenders, hopefully by mid summer!
I finaly found floor pans for the damn car. But I still want to put in the odd collection of seats I have got so I think I will buy a beed roller instead of the floor pans...
Jan. 10th, 2006
09:26 pm - A dream.
I had a dream that I was in a small town in which there was a tiny deserted house a top a hill. Really it was more like just the attic of a house. As if the hill at swallowed up the lower portions of the house. But on this rather strange night I noticed a light on in the only window of the house. So I set out to climb the hill, which involved some rock climbing and investigate. I got up there and it was like someone had set up some kind of makeshift tent to protect against the leaky roof. I guessed it was someone who despite thier living situation was going to school or had a job. I thought this because there were stacks of papers with things writen on them and books and what not. I opened a small cupboard and my dream took a quick turn to some horror flick as whatever was in there scared me so bad I slammed the door and stared at it horrified for a second. Something about it made me feel like it was a little girl who had died in there (hello texas chainsaw massecre). Then I opened the other door and discovered the smurf blanket one of my brothers had always had on his bed. Turns out the brother who all but abandoned the family had some problems and he was homeless. But was too stubborn to come back and ask for help. I ended up bringing him back to my parents house. And that's when I woke up.
It got me to thinking though.
I have seriously been piling over weither or not I am going to Derek's wedding. Seeing as how not going could mean losing a brother permanently, however going could mean getting walked on and treated like a third rate citizen. At the same time, my mother is not going, which I am sure will not go unnoticed by the brides parents and I'd like to be there on the off chance they'd like make strategicly placed comments about it. So compiled with this dream I wonder if I should go just to keep contact incase Derek ever needs to be "brought back home."
Jan. 2nd, 2006
04:37 am - ouch....
Why is it that rum always makes me puke?
I drank quite a few rum and cranberry something or anothers.
Then rum and coke.
Then a bottle of champaigne.
Then what ever I could find laying around the house.... Yeah by that point I was thinking quite right.
Now it hurts.
Dec. 31st, 2005
10:29 am - am I a bad person?
I've cleaned up the living room. Mostly. And put everthing that has been left out for two or more days in two seperate piles in the living room...
I left certain things out like, sketch books, sun glasses and that such.
one pile is small and includes only one half empty bag those orange slice things and then some random nonparishables. maybe 15 or 20 small items.
the other pile is full of two liter bottles and dirty dishes, blankets left on the floor, and empty boxes and bags.
I've tried to take it in stride. Thinking "oh I leave my stuff around too." and it's true. I gather stuff around the house as time goes by.
But I also go through and clean it up every once in a while.
My stuff doesn't mold anywhere either!
The sad part of this. I am home half as often!
Is it so hard? Eat. Return dish to sink. rinse it so you don't have to leave it full of water. continue with life.
OH! My favorite part. If you want a dish, and there is one in the sink.... It's already been rinsed! Soap Sponge, rinse and voila you don't have to add to the dirty dishes.
GAH. Annoying.
Dec. 26th, 2005
02:33 am - Maybe I should have gotten cole.
I am going to my mom's house for dinner tonight. Usualy I do presents and breakfast at her house and dinner with friends.
But I have a bet with myself over wether or not one of my brothers will show up. It's a $50.00 gift card sorta bet. If he shows up, he gets it. If he doesn't, I get it. At this point I am still 50/50 on wether or not he will be there.
Part of me says nope, he's not coming, the other part tells me that the way our family works will cause him to make atleast a small appearance. But then again, he didn't show up for mother's day or anyone's birthday.
now what I can't figure out, is do I want him to show up just to see what happens, or do I want him to blow us off just so I can have the 50bucks?
Dec. 17th, 2005
08:43 am
Hrm...
here is a question or two.
Where did all my friends go?
Why am I finding it so hard to find new ones?
Dec. 12th, 2005
10:29 pm - Strange.
My mom got me netflix for christmas.
I ordered my first three movies; charlie and the chocolate factory, finding neverland, the laramie project.
I got e-mails saying they show up tomorrow.
I noticed in the laramie project one the cover of the movie, which I had never seen.
So I clicked on it and it gave me an option to watch the preview...
Seeing Laramie again and in that context was VERY strange and I think it's going to be a somewhat emotional movie for me.
A lot went on in laramie I didn't write home about. I changed in many ways there because of what I experienced.
Am I home sick?
I thought I was home.
Dec. 8th, 2005
02:00 pm
I hate what I've become.
What's happened to me.
What it means.
And how ashamed I am.
how I can't even explain it.
Dec. 1st, 2005
12:58 pm - a kitty,
climbed through my window....
I sorta let him.
he is sleeping on my bed.
I call him oslo.
I think he lives here now.
But we aren't allowed to have cats...
so maybe he just lives here at night.
he is very purry.
if the land lord catches me I'll be curry.
In a hurry.
for having a furry.
Nov. 19th, 2005
Oct. 30th, 2005
03:39 am - sweet intoxication
Rythmic euphoria beating.
Foot steps poundinging.
Hands tapping.
Hundreds of beats a minute.
Tool raging late into the night.
Musicaly alcoholic.
I remember now why I held you so high.
Oct. 29th, 2005
10:00 pm
Man my life is lame.
Friday night:
far too many hours online.
walking alone in portland.
bed.
Saturday night:
far too many hours online,
soon to walk in portland alone.
After that, bed.
Save me!
Oct. 25th, 2005
11:27 am - I don't like to be made to look bad.
So I was hired at elephants delicatessen on nw 22nd on... hrm saturday.
I was told that Fran the HR lady was supposed to be the final say, but that I was hired and that when I go into see her just let her have her little power trip....
Then the women who hired me scheduled me to work sunday.
People asked me about the HR lady. I said I hadn't seen her yet, they asked how I was working if I hadn't seen her.
I explained the situation to them, as they already knew something was up.
So I go in today to see the HR lady. She has heard about said situation. I end up making an ass out of myself, because a different manager doesn't follow policy.
Now, I sitting at home, humiliated and angry over a job I don't even want anyways.
Oct. 10th, 2005
12:59 am
I find my way down these streets as though I've walked them every night. Though a year has passed I still recall the dirty smell of fresh rain. My hands have grown rough and face only hints at it's previous boyish outlook. But tonight I barely need to lift my eyes to navigate these silver streets. I let the rain soaked city swallow me once more like it were my drug and I were it's fiend.
I inhale that stale air and let it burn my lungs. Savoring the bitter taste in my mouth with each passing breath. The hiss of cars rushing pass mercifully drowns out the thoughts in my head and I revel in the beautiful of it all.
Running my finger tips across the damp bricks letting the rain dasguise my tears. Without a single backword glance I wonder passed groups of people content with once again being a faceless number. Standing alone on a street corner nameless and wet. Completely free of anyone's expectations of who I am, or was. Free of responsibility if only for a second. Swallowed by a labyrinth of apathetic sidewalk. Free to remember or forget what I please.
Letting every wrong thing run down the gutter along side the rats. In the lights seeing only those things that once made me smile. The faces that once walked along side me, the windows we once occupied and savoring only the happy sobs they bring.
Moving only farther away from present moment with every rain drenched step I take. Thankful that once again I can retreat to empty streets where I've only to answer to myself. Where I dictate the direction I will go. Free to roam as aimlessly as I please until I find a direction I truly want to go. Free to decide for myself what this life is going to mean to me. But most of all I marvel in this nights ability send me home.
Oct. 5th, 2005
02:05 pm
UPCollegeBoi: *lick*
My Rockin Car: ::Giggles!::
UPCollegeBoi: be back later
Everyone meet Sean.
My Rockin Car: it's 106 bucks.
UPCollegeBoi: thats ridiculously cheap
My Rockin Car: ha it's 85.00 for the trip back home apparently.
UPCollegeBoi: who said i was letting u leave?
Oct. 3rd, 2005
09:31 pm - Last Choice.
So...
The job search is not going well. I forgot how much I hate looking for a job in this town. No one is EVER hiring even if they are, and you can never get a straight answer from anyone. Why is it that people here are so spineless? They can't just say "yes we are looking and no you weren't selected for an interview." I'd appreciate that a whole lot more than an endless loop of lies that just cause me to come back and be lied to some more.
I went to Dick Hannah to ask them what tools they would expect an entry level person to bring with them. They said basic hand tools, an electric drill an air ratchet, maybe a 5inch sander for door skin removal. He said nothing too expensive, a medium grade brand should do. Suggested craftsmen. A couple hundred bucks would do it I think. Then I could apply within the field I studied.
But alas I don't know where I would get the cash. I have a hard time asking for it from my parents as they're pretty tight these days. Anyone else I'd feel horrible if for some reason even after getting the tools I was unable to find work. Unlikely, but still possible.
I'm getting increasingly depressed with my living situation. Not that I don't enjoy Brynn and her mom and appreciate them letting me live here. But every day I go out looking for work and every day I come back without even so much as a lead. It makes me feel pretty worthless which just makes it harder to get go out and look again the next day. So I look until late afternoon every day and then come home and either lay in my bed or sit around on the internet continually feeling like there is something I should be doing or asking if I could help with. And all the while I really don't understand why I can't live at my house. I don't understand why the baby sitter was offered the only available room just three months before my parents knew I was graduating and planning on moving home. And I don't understand why they continue to let it be this way when she only sleeps there two nights a week. They said I could have the room, but that she didn't want to move my stuff. So what? Where am I supposed to actualy live? I don't want to be a guest in the house. At the same time I suppose it is appropriate seeing as how I am technicaly and adult. But Derek was not treated like a guest and Marvin is not treated like a guest. But apparently that is what I am.
Making things a little more interesting in my life is Sean's sudden interest in my life again. I dated Sean my senior year of high school the whole thing was rather confusing. Hard to tell where he stood or how he felt. It kinda died off and then he graduated and moved back to san francisco with no real ending or explaination. In the last couple of weeks we've been talking a lot. Usualy just about how things are in our lifes. One night he started to ask me all these questions about "do you remember when we met at the grocery store" "do you remember what show we watched at my apartment that night" all this random stuff. Even more random he asked if I ended up hating him, but wouldn't explain why he asked that. Then just a few nights ago he told me to come to SF. If had had the money I would have gotten in my car and left that night. But once again I am confused as to where he stands, what he thinks, why this is all coming up again.
Sep. 27th, 2005
03:34 pm - Holy Shit.
Ok life back here is very stressful.
I don't have anywhere to live.
I don't have a job.
I have zero savings.
I have no tools so I don't even know if I can get a job.
I have no where to put my furniture.
I have nothing.
No long term plans for the importand stuff, housing and job.
I used to just bank on being able to stay at my parents place, which I could.
But I'd have to sleep on the couch upstairs and around the childrens' schedules.
Holy crap!
Sep. 23rd, 2005
10:26 am - WAHAHAHAHA!
Well as of 3:30 today I will officialy be a college graduate.
I am not going to graduation, but it's all the same.
The family should be here around three-ish.
Then we have to hurry our asses up and go get the Uhaul and trailer, then get over to the school and hope to god that the catalina will start and can be driven onto the trailer.
then um run by the house, grab my shit and get the holy mother of fuck outta laramie!
Sep. 21st, 2005
12:21 pm - MY ROOMMATE HAS GONE INSANE!
this got long winded so lets cut it shall we?
( Read more... )
Sep. 17th, 2005
06:16 am - Just me and My beautiful!
Ahhh. I spent the WHOLE night with my baby doll.
Went into the shop at 4:30pm and didn't leave until 6am.
Mmm mmm.
Her passenger side rocker is basically done. I just need to put the cap on the A-pillar and weld a nut in it for the fender to bolt into.
The drivers side is close. Got to weld up either end, Grind and then cap the A-pillar (both caps are made already, just needs welding in).
Ahhh. I love that car.
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